It always amazes me how we go through life with moments of joy and sadness all mixed together. There have been so many bittersweet moments since the first part of March. The 2nd Sunday of March it was announced that I would be moving to a new appointment, serving 2 churches in a different location. Keep in mind I have been in my current appointment for 6 years, that is a long time to be in one place, and so I've made friends, built relationships, experienced many things with these people I call friends and family. It was not an easy decision for me to make and yet there are many reasons why I must move on. One, I agreed to go where called when I became a United Methodist Pastor and go I will and I truly am excited about the opportunities that lay ahead of me. Two, my HH and I have been living apart for almost a year, since his move to his new appointment last July 1st. When I say living apart, I mean over an hour and a half apart, seeing each other maybe once a week (usually more like every 10 days). This appointment will put me only 20 minutes from him. It will be so good to see him more often. Three, I didn't want to be any further away from my Mom than I currently am. She is in her late 70's and although very healthy, active, and spirited, I just feel a great need to be close to her and spend time with her. This move while putting me closer to the HH won't put me any further from my Mom than I am now. Fourth, we all need something new from time to time. If we stay put, we sometimes get stuck in a rut, we get complacent and less effective. I don't wish for any of that in my life - I like adventure (although some sense of security is nice) and I can't wait to see what God has in store as I minister with the people in these new churches. So many tears already as I prepare to leave this place that I have called home for 6 years, so many moments that await. A mix of the sad and the happy. This is just one of the bittersweet moments that has come about in the last few weeks though - there is more.......
At the end of March our newest grandson was born and it was such a moment of joy that it almost overshadowed the loss we had endured just two days before. Almost. As I sat holding my new grandson I couldn't help but think of all the things he would experience in life; and yet, at the same time, I was praying for my friends who had lost their Dad unexpectedly and thinking of all the things they would no longer experience with him. Maybe it was so bittersweet because it brought back the flood of emotion I felt when my own father passed away. The hurt, the confusion, the uncertainty, the permanence of it all. As I held my beautiful grandson, the tears began to flow and once again it was a mix of sad and happy. Yet another bittersweet moment.
I had someone say to me, "why is it that life is like that? So many moments of joy and sadness mixed together?" I didn't have an answer for her, but I do remember thinking, Jesus was no stranger to that kind of scenario. He experienced much joy and much sorrow in the span of his lifetime. Even Jesus had bittersweet moments. Knowing that my Savior identifies with my moments, makes them okay. Makes them less, well, bitter somehow. So even in the midst of tears, I find joy knowing that God goes before me preparing the way and is with me in every moment, whether they are filled with tears or laughter. Thank you God for knowing my heart and for wiping away my tears and appreciating my joy.
